Ok, so maybe not exactly. It is just a personality test. But let me tell you, I’ve been taking a lot of personality tests lately. And it’s kind of sort of freaky when one of them comes out completely right. Turns out Personality Psychology was a good class selection after all (combine that with Spiritual Formation and an Acting Class and cue a semester of serious, inward reflection).
So I am an Achiever & an Individualist. Pegged me.
I’m the success-oriented type. Sorry humanity, but you sometimes get in the way… I’m self-assured, ambitious, charming and energetic. Diplomatic and poised, ok, ok, stop, I’m blushing…
But trust me, being an Achiever isn’t all glam. They are great role models who inspire others, but all they want is to feel valuable and worthwhile. To distinguish themselves from others. To be admired. Maybe thinking that results in love. I’m learning that it doesn’t, necessarily…
They know how good it feels to develop themselves and contribute their abilities to the world, and also enjoy motivating others to greater personal achievements than others thought they were capable of. My 16 year-old brother would know after the one-million pep talks I’ve given him about college and he’s just like shut upppp…
They know that they are worth the effort it takes to be “the best that they can be.” Their success at doing so inspires others to invest in their own self-development.
They want to make sure their lives are a success. They will not be a “nobody.” Even if it kills them…
But they want success not so much for the things that success will buy, or for the power and feeling of independence that it will bring. Well that makes me feel better, at least I’m not after fame and fortune. They just want success because they are afraid of disappearing into a chasm of emptiness and worthlessness.
Why? Where did that come from? My fear of being invisible. And why is it so powerful?
Cause I’m also The Individualist. The introspective, romantic type. Self-aware, sensitive, and reserved. Emotionally honest, creative. Hello, just look at my fifty million journals.
Withholding themselves from others due to feeling vulnerable and defective, they can also feel disdainful and exempt from ordinary ways of living. At their best they are inspired and highly creative. They want to create and surround themselves with beauty, to maintain certain moods and feelings, to withdraw to protect their self-image, to take care of emotional needs before attending to anything else, and to attract a “rescuer.” Bingo.
They maintain their identity by seeing themselves as fundamentally different from others. They feel that they are unlike other human beings, and consequently, that no one can understand them or love them adequately. They are honest with themselves: they own all of their feelings and can look at their motives, contradictions, and emotional conflicts without denying or whitewashing them. They may not necessarily like what they discover, but they do not try to rationalize their states, nor do they try to hide them from themselves or others. They are willing to reveal highly personal and potentially shameful things about themselves because they are determined to understand the truth of their experience—so that they can discover who they are and come to terms with their emotional history. Aka, I literally have no secrets.
While it is true that they often feel different from others, they do not really want to be alone. They deeply long for someone to come into their lives and appreciate the secret self that they have privately nurtured and hidden from the world. If, over time, such validation remains out of reach, they begin to build their identity around how unlike everyone else they are. The outsider therefore comforts herself by becoming an insistent individualist: everything must be done on her own, in her own way, on her own terms. And from experience, this state kills me. It’s self-sabotage…
Their mantra becomes “nobody understands me, I am different and special,” while they secretly wish they could enjoy the easiness and confidence that others seem to enjoy.
Awesome. I am an Achiever and an Individualist and I don’t know if I should hate it or love it. If it’s my key to a universe of possibility or my cage of lonely independence.
Congratulations if you read all that, you now know me down to a science. Expect not…because I’m not like anybody in the whole world and you’re never going to understand meee (just kidding. that’s just my Individualist speaking).
You probably feel the same way. And who doesn’t like to be described. So take it too: http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/dis_sample_36.asp#.UOH26uZxVPp
“A very long time ago there lived a beautiful princess in a mystical land known as India. She was married to the handsome Prince Rama who had been banished to the enchanted forest by his evil stepmother. One day Princess Sita saw a wounded deer in the woods and she begged Rama to go and help it. Rama drew a circle in the ground and said to her: ‘‘This is a magic circle. So long as you stay inside it no harm can come to you.’”
— The Little Princess
I crave this circle of rest. A place of comfort. I’m sick of striving, I’m ready for peace. I want to rest in God’s presence, not convince Him through actions of my loyalty.
So I felt lead to draw my own circle today, from my favorite childhood movie. It’s to curl up in at least once a day. To lay there in complete safety and security. To bask in God’s infinite love. To fill my soul with His affection for me.
Every girl is a Princess and your Daddy loves you.
The Little Princess, Sara was right, wasn’t she? It’s the greatest thing we need to hear. Some things you never outgrow…
This is now my favorite corner of my room.
It’s dark because you are trying too hard. Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly. Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply. Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them. I was so preposterously serious in those days… Lightly, lightly – it’s the best advice ever given me…So throw away your baggage and go forward. There are quicksands all about you, sucking at your feet, trying to suck you down into fear and self-pity and despair. That’s why you must walk so lightly. Lightly my darling… — ~ Aldous Huxley, Island (via thatkindofwoman)
(Source: theersatzian, via thatkindofwoman)
I decided to start off 2013 like a French woman: with magical leek soup. Apparently it’s one of their detoxifying secrets, so I started sipping on it today to jump-start another healthy year.
This happy bundle of leeks is actually a rather under-appreciated veggie. His family members include onion and garlic, so you can imagine how nice and healthy he must be (without being so obnoxiously potent). They say leeks fight cancer and promote good digestion, so I guess those French ladies really were on to something…
To prepare them, chop and separate the green parts from the white. They tend to be very sandy, so make sure to rinse everything thoroughly.
Putting the white parts in a large pot, cover with water and bring to a boil. Let it simmer over the leeks for 30 minutes (uncovered). I saved the greens to saute and eat later (a little olive oil and sea salt makes them yum).
I ended up adding a lot of the greens to the soup so that it wasn’t just broth, but you can modify it whichever way you choose. If you want to lose weight, you can do it the authentic, French way (just soup for two days), but I had a healthy lunch on the side while still appreciating the detoxifying benefits of the soup.
Less than $3 and there you have it: my first lunch of 2013 and leek greens and broth for the rest of the week. Happy Healthy New Year
Post-Les Mis desktop
I’m sorry, I just can’t resist…2 seconds on screen and I was done for.
he knows what he’s talking about
Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love. — Hamilton Wright Mabie